Saima Drabbles

A few days away seemed to be exactly what had been needed. Once they had left the house in the care of a friend, Saima roamed out to the woods for a while. They felt the need to just lay on the ground and hear out what the forest had to say. And so much was said. Even with them remaining silent as they rested under the night sky, Saima felt the waves of messages go through them.

There were moments where the occasional animal - sometimes a Lynx, sometimes birds would sleep nearby and that was no problem. They had rested among creatures before and had no hesitations to do so again. These moments of reminding themselves of that inherent wildness and natural comforts was reassuring in ways they could not express. The sounds of their surroundings was like music to their ears, forming a rhythem and expressiveness that they cherished deeply.

After time of laying about, they found themselves able to walk around. A few snacks brought with them, a few things picked up along the way - they were able to sustain themselves on fairly little. The feeling of the ground beneath their feet let them place spells on themselves and their surroundings, letting the energy just flow through them as if they were merely a conductor.  That electrifying feeling was healing - making them feel anew. The height of this venture was a few days end, Saima spending time in the bogs in the countryside - between the swampy environment, the water and the sheer distance from civilization, they had never felt so at home. To be away from the responsibilities that they carried, to not be bothered for a few days with anything but wandering..it felt like their core was fed.

A note to themselves, they would have to do this sort of thing more often. There was nothing like dropping out of society in a more complete fashion just to reach the world that more closely felt like their own.
-------

your smile so super quiet.

A phrase directed their way from someone they helped from time to time. Sometimes it had to be enough to help people talk through their ideas for creations, to point out different directions where they would go.

When an idea would really appeal to their sense of fancy, to the otherworldly nature that barely lurked beneath their appearance. As if it didn’t spill into the ways that they moved, that they gestured. As if it didn’t register in the way that their voice carried in means that seemed unnatural.

But still, if there was an idea that made them feel truly warm.. Saima would return a little smile. So quiet and yet deafening at the same time. For them to explain further would be too much, say too much that humans may not easily handle - especially not in the modern world.

The modern world had forced a lot of changes to the way that stories were told. Saima just had to adapt as they usually did. But that quiet smile had stayed with them throughout the years, a signal that something had reached them - and reached them deeply. It was a feat that felt difficult to do but not entirely impossible… just difficult.

Which made it all the more impressive when that little smile would actually come out. Made people wonder, what exactly had caused that response?

But Saima could only say so much- maybe pointing to a casual detail or a phrasing of words that would serve as enough of an explanation for people not to press any further. In most cases that would be enough, and when it wasn’t, they could only shrug a bit in response.

“There’s something about it that just really works for me. I apologize for not being able to put words to it.“ There were feelings that words could not readily express and the words that they did have always felt horribly inadequate in setting the scene.

And so that quiet smile returns, somewhat apologetic, but sincere nonetheless in affirming the creation that is to unfold before them.

-----

  Some days certain songs take Saima way back to earlier days. Days before intrusions, before having to hide themselves, to force guises that stuck in weird ways. And never did suit them the way that they wanted them so. These songs repeating in the back of their minds conjures memories of roaming, of being among the creation of these songs. Of having the songs passed down to them so that they could spread it among others.

Perhaps they were missing that feeling of being around a mentor. Of someone who clearly had an idea, had ways that were central to the purposes Saima wanted to fulfill in some form in fashion. They missed the Old Wizard deeply, the one of song, literature - they missed the moments of hearing directly, listening carefully to every phrase, every note of each song. To studying the ways that such creations had an impact, had somehow influenced the realm around them.

The way that song could just weave through someone, through many people at once had never really been lost on Saima. They had learned it firsthand and welded that ability in their own journey. It had taken them through many eras, shifts, developments, struggles. Only to come out to the other side - feeling that more than ever that these songs, stories were incredibly necessary.

Maybe it was the changing season, the slow creeping towards Midsummer that’s getting these thoughts surfacing so intensely. The season cycle always did manage to bring out the multitudes that come with having lived such a long life of riddles and mysteries. Nonetheless, one must get through the Spring Solstice first - and that enough is something of an occasion, to say the least. Still, the fact that their surroundings are starting to liven up once more - and the hidden side of their people. Having dual, no, multi-layered sense of self really does make one very aware of the changing of the seasons. Hiding away, keeping to oneself through most of the colder days felt like something that should and does come quite naturally to Saima.

But the change to bloom, oh how they cherish and crave that opportunity to open up and bloom in the sun. May the warmth allow them to accept and to seek out ways to share that wondrous contentment and joy with others. To let the song take them back to another time while threading them to the present and possibilities of the future. It is a wish that burns at their core, driving them in a way to let the wistfulness that comes to mind make them a ‘wizard’ in their own right. Such is the ways of their restless nature, to spread what was shared with them.. and maybe just maybe make an impression that truly lasts.

Longing - Saima

Leaving kisses, touches, traces.

Perhaps that was the way they chose to admire. No, that they needed to admire. Longing gazes, studying from a distance could only do so much. The wishfulness inside would build so much. It was a wonder that Saima had ever managed to keep things internal so often. And yet, those were the only tools that Saima had available for so long. Having to keep their attractions, their feelings to themselves. Perhaps they just had gotten used to it. It was a terrible habit and breaking it all the more difficult. One often carried the burden of desire with the nagging thought of inadequacy in the midst of their desires.

Dreaming of kissing the divine. To see in others what they had hidden in themselves. In celebrating what was coming to the surface and transforming their existence as they understood it. To kiss the divine, to share in that delight, to perform the acts of which they wished for was a delight. To admit, to whisper - the thoughts, lines, and lines of which had been spun within them. To place small kisses - cheeks, jaws, shoulders, neck. Only to suggest dreams of further attention, of further connection. They dare relish in the cravings for shared affection, entanglement even. 

Coming a little closer, movement as if performing an old dance, Saima allows themselves the space to touch. Let their graceful fingers filled with magic to caress, to affectionately lay on the build of their beloved. Fingers that will pull a little bit closer, just a little. They love the tension before the crash, they relish the dance that only seems to build. Hands, hands - most wondrous things. It’s all too amazing the worship that they can provide. Let the age, the experience stored away come through in every step that they take.

In a collision, mouths meet all too willing to make movements to consume each other more. The adrenaline, the energy rushing through is hard to bear and harder to contain. Yet it only drives these sorts even further into delirium - seeking out that combination of worship that could set places ablaze. It feels like there’s entirely too much for the world to stand. And maybe there is - but what is that to those who made the world, who hold the world, who watch over this planet still. What is that to those whose stories haunt the mortals still even in the smaller forms of references of more ‘modern’ media. It is of no matter. Articulate thoughts dare not form in the midst of the collision, only bringing beings closer and closer together.

Saima’s touches always get a little more purposeful - less teasing and more desirous. The pulls a little fiercer, the way that their fingers can dig just so into the body of their beloved. They know not what way they will end up but as long as they are close, unbearably so - with the weight of a partner pressed against them tight, they can only be content. An unspoken plea: Please let them feel so much, too much upon them in one way or another. To create a whole another way of being, to shine in the glory of losing control, if only for a moment - they could wish for nothing more.

Saima - Headcanons

[Sometimes I just amuse myself with thoughts about the kind of entities that Saima just gets oddly.. fascinated with from time to time. Whether they do anything with such interest remains to be seen. (often not but.. that’s.. a lot of previous experiences weighing on them there)

Like obviously those involved with creative work, music, storytelling, nature, travel, crossroads, and mischief tend to really pique their fancy. Kind of seeing that kind of potential for commonality and adventure across those things.

But honestly they really just like exploring the ways many embody what they are supposed to be associated with. And cause they do like seeing those kinds of perspectives vary depending on the content, time and the individual being in a given situation, they just find themselves with a curiosity that often leads them into strange places internally, and strange places in general. But the latter is a lot easier for them to handle.

Since it’s all just ah.. being on the margins of what can be perceived? Cool. This curiosity turning into something I’m trying to process and feel somewhat embarrassed about? Why.]
---

Saima definitely idealizes happiness most. Although they have worked a lot towards trying to fit some kind of success in spite of what they have been through. Having such a history of trying to navigate through challenging experiences and help others to the best of their abilities..I think what is ultimately more important to them is finding some kind of happiness.

This is especially important since they have sacrificed a lot of what would have made them happy for the sake of duty and obligation to others over very long periods of time, and that often had taken a toll on them that they are still.. recovering from. And the circumstance has changed enough that they can actually focus on pursuing what works for them and makes them more comfortable in both serving others and respecting and caring for themselves along the way.
----
What would completely break my character? Saima feels like they’ve been through enough experiences that were made to at least try and break them. And frankly, sometimes those experiences got pretty close. It’s those experiences of subjugation, lack of freedom, lack of ability to move - to go, to help out when they could. A lot of those things that are also afraid of - especially since so many of these fears are memories of what has recently and not-so-recently come to pass in the lands that they hold closest to them.

The overarching fear though is that they are unable to keep the stories that have built up people’s beliefs …and to see those stories forever lost, forever dismissed and discontinued. Because of either outside forces suppressing them or things changing at a rate that they can not adjust to.

In terms of making a scene, any attempts of subjugating those they care for, those they look after and try to protect. That would easily provoke a scene-making action - yelling, fighting, showing signs of their true selves to scare the hell out of anyone who would try it. When they see a harm and people don’t feel able to take it into their own hands, they are all too willing to make a point out of it. Even despite coming about in a place where making a scene tends to be avoided whenever possible. They prefer doing things on the sly to make a change and have done so before, but they are not above doing whatever is necessary to get the wrongdoing to stop.

Saima Speech

Character study: Speech

Repost, don’t reblog!

# 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂: 1 / 2 / 3 + .

𝚃𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝚅𝙾𝙸𝙲𝙴: high / average / deep.
𝙰𝙲𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃: yes / no.
𝙳𝙴𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙽𝙾𝚁: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other.
𝙿𝙾𝚂𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙴: slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed.
𝙷𝙰𝙱𝙸𝚃𝚂: head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering /  gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing  /  hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact /  maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at distance.

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐓𝐘.
𝚅𝙾𝙲𝙰𝙱𝚄𝙻𝙰𝚁𝚈: ◼◼◼◼◻
𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽: ◼◼◼◼◻
𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝚁𝚄𝙲𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙴: ◼◼◼◼◻

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘.
𝙵𝚁𝙴𝚀𝚄𝙴𝙽𝙲𝚈: ◼◼◼◻◻
𝙲𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙸𝚃𝚈: ◼◼◼◻◻

𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐋𝐘.
arse. ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. chicken shit. crap. cunt. dick. frick. fuck. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick. screw. shit. shitass. son of a bitch. twat. wanker. pussy.

𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓.
christ on a bike. christ on a cracker. damn. goddamn. godsdamn. hell. holy shit. jesus. jesus christ. jesus h christ. jesus h. roosevelt christ. lord have mercy. jesus, mary and joseph. sweet jesus.

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓
contractions or enunciation? straightforward or cryptic? jargon or toned? complexity or simplicity? finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? formalities or abrasiveness? praise or equivocation? frankness or lies? excessive or minimal hand gestures? name-calling or magnanimity? friendly or blunt nicknames?

𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

𝙳𝙾 𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙰 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙳 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙾𝚁 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁’𝚂 𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙽𝚃 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙰𝙲𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙻𝚈 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺 ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙸𝙽𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙱𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚃𝙾 𝙴𝙽𝙳 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚄𝚂𝙴 ‘𝚆𝙷𝙾𝙼’ 𝙸𝙽 𝙰 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴? yes / no / only ironically.

𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙴 𝙰 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙽𝚃. 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙳𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝚄𝚂𝙴? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙴𝙽𝙳 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they’re done here / remain quiet / they don’t.

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙰𝙳𝙳𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚂 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂? titles / first names / surnames / full names / nicknames.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙰𝙻 𝙲𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚂 𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙰𝚂𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙱𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝚃𝙾, 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼 𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺? upper / middle / lower.

𝙸𝙽 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚈 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn’t.

Zora - heartbreak and partners

First heartbreak?

There was that time that they had a crush on a ghoulish girl they were friends with in high school. And how getting cut off really kind of bothered them for a little while. But I’ll talk about another big early heartbreak. It was in college where all hell happens - although technically Zora did a lot of their coursework from a distance, they did hang out on campus enough to have connections  - or at least acquaintances that they were familiar with.

One of those acquaintances was a young man that they would collaborate with on interesting and strange art stunts around town. Making installations that were poignant, funny and sometimes very surreal (very fitting). Spending enough time with this guy, Z started to have a serious ..affection for him cause he was funny, he had skills, he kind of went to strange places in his mind. There were options there.

And maybe they thought he could like them back. They’d like to think to hope that things would go better this time around.

However, there was a party that the whole casual collective Z was around went to and the atmosphere was getting kind of weird and stressful. Whispers, rumors spreading around them - jokes that seemed to cut way too close for people they barely knew that well.

As the night went on, they noticed the looks that they were getting from people - and not entirely being certain why, they felt a pressure inside that was building and building. And no noise would be enough to distract them from it.

So they had stumbled outside in a need to escape and inadvertently shifted in the dark, hoping desperately that no one would witness the process that they were going through at that moment. It was a strange, discomfiting experience - it should’ve been a sign that there was much more to their background than they were aware of at that moment. But all the knew is that there was way too much to be handled and the stress needed to be let out - even if that meant losing ‘form’ for a moment.

After a few, they managed to come back to a more anthropomorphic form and casually stepped out of the dark only to see that - one.. not only had they not been alone, two the guy they had been crushing on had been there with some of the people trying to figure out what the fuck their deal was.. and 3.. there was a look a utter terror and repulsion on the faces of those standing there.

It was then and there that any hope for connection with these people died, quite violently at that. In multiple ways, their heart was utterly shattered in a way that still haunts the way that they engage with people.

From there one - Zora kept away from the campus for a long time and didn’t even attend their graduation ceremony out of not wanting to deal with the aftermath of that incident.

—

Requirements for a potential partner.

For Z, at this point - the biggest thing is you have to be down for some really weird shit. Cause the closer one gets to Z, the more weird mess one finds out about them. It’s one thing to like the pleasantly strange eccentric artist - it’s another to realize how far that eccentricity goes into a whole another world of being and existing. Not to mention the familial relation with entities one may not even believed existed.

So chances are, they are more likely to date nonhuman entities at this point their life. (obviously exceptions arise)

Or at least people who are okay with them being very strange themselves. Cause they’ll make sure their partners are as safe as possible but..it’s still just kind of a thing. They remember the terror with which people gazed upon them and they .. kind of expect that from most humans if they get too close. 

But outside of that big thing - Z likes creative people or at least those with a passion about something. They really enjoy seeing people get caught up in their interests and they love listening to people talk about their passions and plans. So that’s pretty major.

The person has to have some kindness, it may not be expressed in the most traditional of ways but it has to be there. Some kind of humor is good cause.. shit hits the wall and one has to be able to laugh. They also value a certain kind of emotional vulnerability - it takes a while for them to open up but once they do - they would also deeply appreciate someone who can open up as well. They are patient enough to partner with someone who also has been through a lot, emotionally. But they do like to see little signals that there’s a chance for further understanding to develop.

Zora - too late

As someone who has been terribly self-conscious and self-aware of their own behavior and environment and.. just existence in general, Zora does a lot of processing. A lot of unpacking on a regular basis, most of which never really hits the light of day, or the ears of anyone else. Maybe it gets puts into a notebook, maybe a sketchbook. One day it may develop into a piece of work that draws the viewer into layers that they were not prepared to witness. Oops.

very early in my life, it was already too late. Why was that something that they wanted to revisit? Why was that something that felt all too familiar?

Nonetheless, there are a lot of questions. A lot of wonders of whether the pathways that they took were even the right ones. Already growing up in a strange place that was never going to make sense to the outside world, permanently shaped by and somewhat attached to that place. They should have known that the society outside of there wasn’t quite going to work for them in so many ways.

And while they are surviving, they are doing what they care for to support themselves - the facades, the distance, the perpetual evasiveness. the sheer amount of tension. So much of the things that they notice about how they move in this world leaves them in a strange place. Especially when they suspect that there aren’t very many options.

They feel like they’re at a crossroads in recognizing that from the get-go, from the start - things were always going to take a turn. Perhaps they hadn’t known in which order these turns were going to come. And frankly, if some information had been revealed to them earlier - they may have handled some of these turns better.  But the more that they dig to the core of how do they manage, the more the only actual models that they have for life are for those who have leaned far, far, far into what they have only started to really embrace recently.

And it’s weird cause… before all this, before going out - maybe they would have gotten to that point more comfortably. Maybe in the midst of all kinds of mess, but it would have gotten to that point. How are they somehow relearning to be unashamed, unabashed about so much that feels so fundamental to their being? That makes them ultimately an awkward if not unsettling fit for the world at large?

How does that play out in how they will choose to spend their time? Because like it or not, Z knows that they have plenty of time and for once that does not bring them any comfort. It just leaves them.. terribly uncertain, and somewhat inclined to revisit any exiles that they’ve heard about. It seems like that’s going to be very useful in the coming future. At least as a potential possibility.

Zora - lurking

There are moments where they can’t help but feel that unsettling sense of self creep up even more by the day. It’s been a moment where their patience with the requirements of navigating society have been kind of getting under their skin. But they know full well how difficult it is to break out of conditioning that haunts them.  Is it conditioning? Is it simply trying to get through the day? Is it not wanting to be trouble for anyone..despite their very existence being a problem in this current society? They can’t even be sure what it is actually and that tires them out too.

This feeling, that is brewing, the need to release tension is greater. There are moments where they don’t remember to shift their eyes and people think they’re just going for a ‘look’ when their eyes seem to gaze too much, see too much. Z finds themselves out late, outskirts, liminal spaces - gateways to what has to be another world, another realm. Or at least another way of being.

The tension inside them is leaving them increasingly restless in ways that they don’t really know what to do with. They try to put into their work, so often they try to channel so much into their creation. A lot of the time it works, but sometimes it really doesn’t - and they need to do, they need to be. To expose what lurks, that makes them twist and turn and follow way too many threads at one time.

There’s a certain awareness, there’s an awareness that there’s an incident that’s coming. Maybe they’ll just shift by accident, maybe something will be warped in the process - they’re not entirely  sure exactly what it is. But something has got to give. They can feel it - trying to maintain something that seems so constraining is really taking a toll. They used to get mostly sad about it - but now it’s making them more irritable, more likely to use the means of self-defense they were given, of sending out these blasts of something beyond understanding,  that they avoided out of not wanting to make a scene. There’s still a sense of.. this scene is going to be unfortunate when it comes.

Perhaps- it can be in an isolated area? That’s the best case scenario, minimize witnesses, don’t place others in danger. That is what they can hope for with the countdown towards something arising that they know very well .. and feel that they should fear more than they do.

But maybe then there will be a true release, which feels more necessary than ever. Trying to do things at home, hidden away can only do so much. And the limits of this has been hitting increasingly hard, these days.

Zora's Future Self

It had been years, so many years.

Time has a way of passing by quickly once one gets used to this long-living existence. Zora could remember the days where they were just getting used to the idea of being practically immortal. Days where time seemed to go so slowly and it felt impossible to imagine what the future would look like.

And yet.. here they were.

Centuries upon centuries upon centuries later. And they were still roaming the universe. They had changed forms a few times, still keeping that ethereal nature, the look in their eyes remains the same. But they may have more limbs than one might have remember. Maybe more eyes, too.  Additional markings on their ‘skin’ making their cosmic nature all the more obvious.

In that time, they’ve created so many things, Artwork strewn across the galaxies, across the skies even at that point. Finding a way to hang art in the stars was a discovery that they had cherished, celebrated by showing it too all who would be willing to check it out. They had simply been so excited.

Despite this excitement, there’s a loneliness with it as well. Most of their close ones, their loves had either moved to other situations or passed on years upon years ago. The memories that they had though still linger on their mind, often being drawn into their creations. A long lost portrait here, a sketch there, a spell in memory of those they cared for. It was like Z never could quite let someone they deeply adored go, not friends, not family, not anyone if they allowed that sort of closeness.

Perhaps this is why they had been so cautious about getting to close back in the day. When one is used to hiding so much of themselves, those that they could open up to in those younger years.. those were the people that Zora would keep with them always. It hurt to do so but it was a hurt that kept them company, it was those dreams, those visions of familiar faces and sounds that kept them going. That provided dedications to whatever adventures they would get into.

And at their age, despite not moving quite as fast as they used to, Z is certainly still on the move. Practically bouncing with a practiced ease among the universe, strolling with families and new associates alike, they remember ..they remember people saying they would get more confident with this existence as time passed by and.. those people were right. Zora had recognized that correctness at the time but knew it wasn’t really until they reached this point themselves that they knew how right they were.

Still, there was a certain satisfaction to having this experience, of shifting, of changing and yet being.. of carrying a cosmic narrative across time, across universe. To know that the nugget inside themselves that made Zora who they were only became more prominent over time. The lessened self-consciousness was such a deep comfort to them.

For so long, Zora had only wished to have the chance to just be and had to reserve it to specific people. Now they’ve had their chance .. it just took a hell of a long time to get there.
----

Basic facts: - into the beyond (version tag)

Presenting around 50-55, actual age is unknown at this point. Time is weird and aging is who cares (it may be centuries, we just don’t know - so they’re coming in from the far future baby.). Eccentric style still there, although they do more overtly dress for comfort. Layers, nice fabrics, fun patterns, cool jewelry. Does have streaks of purple and white in their hair.

In this verse, they disappeared off the planet to do some exploring and deal with space shenanigans. Likely to have some dalliances along the way, left some artwork among the stars as they had dreamed of doing so. May be found in other locations in this version of the self, can be residing off-Earth as well (location flexible, really).

Less likely to care about shifting into weird forms. Markings are now much more obvious all over the body, including that fractal tattoo that remains covering their back. Eyes shown as white by default cause fuck it. They’ll just be the odd older person who is just doing their thing, still learning about what has changed since they’ve been gone.

Still doing rituals on a regular basis, and creating art -surviving and now in a position to actually give advice from time to time. Although they are still somewhat reserved about doing so since their life circumstances are not always the most.. relatable to say the least.  Sometimes there are moments where they won’t want to say much at all, since there are things that they’ve seen that are way too difficult to express to anyone else - nonetheless translate them into meaningful information.

Because most of those that they have known have passed, Zora does carry a certain melancholy about that and so they do try to be out and about - quietly social in ways that feel comfortable to them. Which is likely why…as a person, they kind of act like a cool ‘auntie’ to whoever wants that kind of figure in their life. And prone to tell ‘stories’ that they play off as fiction but if one looks closely in their eyes, they know are way too real. Will make sure people are taken care off, still enjoys a good snack - may have access to some really..interesting treats if one gets close enough to them.

 

Any weird energy things that they may have hidden as a younger person are now much more obvious, like even their touch as a more obvious cosmic power to them. They just can’t be bothered hiding any more and they’re quite happy about it.

May be prepping for their next iteration.

Atieno Drabbles

Appearing from the void, making her presence in a given place - the feel seems to immediately change. People may not notice it at first, but something major, something massive is in their midst. Moving as lightly as ever while each step and movement is vast, sweeping. Smooth and sleek in the way that she proceeds, an entity commands a since of awe from those she passes without them fully knowing why.

How do you articulate something like this in your midst. Is this a god? A force? An energy? All of the above seems to work as far as Ati is concerned.  Different names for the same function. It all seems to mean that people don’t really know what to do with her.

After all, if she were to come in her full splendor, it’s usually a sign that changes are coming to that realm. Changes that will put many in danger but maintain balance at the same time. But as long as she wanders in a smaller yet distinctive guise, the locals are safe. For now. 

Only for now, she can not guarantee how long anyone will be safe from the changes she makes. However, now is not the time for that. Now is the time for people-watching, passing through the streets of societies to see what’s at the heart of them, how do they function? 

There are trends that tend to arise among the mortals and she is somewhat curious to find out what they are. Curiosity, perhaps the only motivator that she truly has these days, an interest in learning all there is until the end of existence. At least it will keep her preoccupied, one way or another.
 

---
  She doesn’t know why she’s had this struggle off and on for a few months. Perhaps it is the company she keeps - maybe it’s time for a change in scenery. Variety, after all, is what keeps existence interesting. Roaming around all sides with a casual familiarity is something that Atieno had learned how to do with great skill.

 A reminder that this one, this one can not and shall not be beholden to anyone. Besides, she knows where she comes from. She knows the kind of company that makes her feel most readily at home. It’s something that she can not and will not let herself forget easily. 

Fun times in ambivalence, no?

Being part of a cyclical nature of creation and destruction, wielding these abilities with ease and massive strength - it sometimes makes her wonder if one should take priority over the other.

She’s got memories, plenty of them. When she was younger, all she really wanted to do was make, and make - toy with existence but still see these places blossom and grow. It was a fascinating process.

Still is. But now that she’s a whole lot older and the process of decay, of the inevitable breakdown… Atieno finds that just as fascinating. And she can’t say that she hasn’t had moments where she’s sped up the process for some groups or another. 

Sometimes it’s out of anger, sometimes out of the sheer ability to do so. It’s something that comes when you have some much at your fingertips and no obligation to traditional morals. 

Even if she’s heard of them, even if there are moments where she has been able to show some individual chillness that makes life interesting for others. The utter briefness of others lifetimes makes it all too easy for her to regard these incidents as just things she does for fun.

She does a lot of things for sheer entertainment - and what side of the coin they might be, one could never know. 

I guess that’s truly what is meant by being uncontrollable.

----

“If you’re going to look at me that way, you might as well kiss me.”

The way her companion gazed at her hadn’t gone unnoticed. Oh the contrary, she couldn’t help but fixate on those golden eyes that always seem to drink her in. Such was the deal getting to know someone who clearly Sees oh so much, there’s not much that can get out of his line of sight. 

Not used to drawing too much attention to herself, the entity hadn’t been certain how to process this. This admiration of sorts was certainly enjoyable. At the very least the feeling was mutual, that she knew for sure. 

But he’s not the only one whose been looking though. Atieno has found herself paying attention closely, happily to any detail that she could find. The sound of his voice, the hints of feeling seen in the crinkle beside his eye or the slight movement of his mouth. The delivery of his words had been running around in the back of her mind for quite some time.  She had to admit to herself that she could listen to him for what could possibly be ages with no regret at all. Or sit in quiet if he was more inclined to do so. The wanderer was nothing but flexible about it - as long as she could be in his company, it would be delightful. 

This combination had her feeling all the more hopeless she supposed. Ati had made a stop to this region just to see what it was all about and got a surprise that was really catching her off guard. It was not often that she found herself getting so attached and intrigued, fascinated by someone. It was difficult for her to really bother emotionally with individuals - there was always a good reason for her to maintain something of a comfortable distance.  There was always a reason to maintain some kind of composure, she was all too used to playing a role, what else could she really expect?

And yet, here she was looking at this Guardian like he was …like he was. Words seemed to fail her in trying to describe this situation. All she knew was that there was a certain longing, a desire flowing through her that she hadn’t experienced in quite some time. It scared her a little bit since when was the last time she had felt like this? It was- she could barely remember and sometimes she wondered if she wanted to.  

Back to the situation. Despite starting to get really distracted by her internal thoughts, Atieno made a point to hear everything that her host had said. She hummed for a bit in response, as if thinking of what her response really could be.

“Then again…” She draws out her words, teasing and affectionate at the same time. She idly runs her fingers down the side of this Protector’s face. 

“I’ve never been opposed to taking initiative.” A dangerous look shows in her dark eyes before she leans in and kisses those lips she had been looking at for entirely too long.

 

Atieno facts

✰ How did you decide your muse’s skills and talents? Do they relate to their occupation in some way? 

I decided a lot of Atieno’s talents on the fact that they are in many ways a creator fundamentally (also destroyer but…that’s here nor there). The point is that because they were so important to creation of so many places and entities and structures within the universe - that they would likely have a creative streak that shows up in other ways. Which means, they could draw, they like to forge things cause that’s something they can do easily. As for the researcher kind of perspective they have - they are just a very curious being by nature, and so they would use that as an excuse to really explore different places…they have a thoughtful streak - so they are writing and studying quite often as they go along.

And frankly them being a bomb dancer with the way that they are able to move and shift and really expand, contract and do frankly ridiculous and awe-inspiring things with their movements.. is just a natural expansion of who they are as a multi-faceted, incredibly flexible and nimble presence.
---

What is Your Love Language? / Take the quiz here. / repost pls don’t reblog

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

-----

I just think about a lot how Atieno being within the multiverse probably still has a strong affinity for entities from outside the multiverse. there’s kind of an ambiguity about the way that they exist between, through and outside verses that makes things very intriguing.

It’s just undeniable that they probably do have have some connections with the forces that are ..considered to be the unknown, the unknowable, the incomprehensible.  And that they do find a certain closeness in that. It’s hard to place into words but they do relate to that completely not making sense to most.

Especially since there still not a solid idea about their nature ( a good guess as to their function) but about what they consistent off and the nature of that.. well, that remains a mystery. So a lot of the way that they navigate is from this position of ultimately someone only knowing so much about what they are capable of and can do. And even small demonstrations are the slightest, smallest suggestions of their existence.

And what feels oddly contradictory about is that I do think Atieno sometimes kind of wants to see people get some kind of understanding about them. Maybe not the whole thing, but it’s interesting when they see a breakthrough that does accurately describe what they are capable of. Kind of wants to be known, kind of likes being relatively unknowable. It’s ..something]

Atieno fight

MUSE SURVEY: BATTLE EDITION.

repost, do not reblog! ( source )
bold what consistently applies.
italicize situational, not always.

       DOES   YOUR   MUSE,     WHILE    FIGHTING    .   .   .

• ^{fight honorably  /  fight dirty /  prefer close-quarters  / prefer range   /  chat during   /  go silent  /   low pain tolerance /  high pain tolerance  / attack in bursts   /  attack steadily / go for the kill  / aim to disarm  /  fight defensively   /   strike first / provoke easily  / provoke their opponent  / tease /  get visibly frustrated / shout while attacking /  use strategy /   focus on their battle  /  experience conflicting thoughts during battle / rush in recklessly /   try to read their opponent before fighting   /   fight wildly  /  fight calmly  /   fight with anger   /  fight with excitement / fight because they have to   /  fight because they want to  / fight without regard to wounds / run away when wounded  / hide wounds / take a blow to protect another /  prefer a blade  /  prefer a gun  /  prefer a bow  /  prefer a shield  /  prefer a spear  / prefer a personalized weapon  / prefer magic or spells / prefer brawling / their greatest weakness is physical /  their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional /  transform for battle / fight as they appear  /   rely on strength  /  rely on speed  /  use everything they have  /   hide their full potential  /  exhaust quickly  / high stamina /  doubt their strength  /  proceed with caution  /  behave arrogantly /  brag after landing a hit / belittle foes abilities / use psychological tactics  / use brute strength  /  avoid civilians /  strike down civilians  / damage surroundings/  avoid damaging surroundings  /  signature fighting style /  making it up as they go  / mastered skillset  /  learning their skillset /  fancy footwork /  sloppy footwork  / messy fighter /  elegant fighter /  accept defeat  / refuse defeat  /  beg for mercy  /  compliment their opponent / insult their opponent  /  use unnecessary movements ( flips, twirls )  /  move efficiently  /  barely move  /   prefer to dodge / prefer to block   /  defend their blindside  /  has no blindside   / use all available advantages /  strictly use one main method  /   play around /  hold back  / fight ruthlessly  / show mercy  /  wait for opponent to be ready  /  strike when opponent isn’t ready  /  fear death  /  fear pain  /  fear killing  /  has PTSD /  avoid fighting   / has lost a fight / has won a fight   /  has killed   / refused to kill /  want to die standing   /    would succumb slowly.}

 

About Atieno

Over Atieno’s existence in the universe, they’ve served as reluctant arbiters, deciders of fates, someone to intermediate, odd diplomat, unlikely teacher (who you might go a little..too far if you get too close to them), guide, goddex. The point is that they’ve had a lot of roles in order to occupy the time - anything they could slip in and out of in terms to study the ways that beings interact.

Especially since that they are going to be roaming throughout the multiverse more often than not, they don’t mind picking up the occasional role just to keep things interesting.

They have more than enough knowledge in a wide variety of areas that they could fit into whatever kind of deal that they choose to participate in. And that’s the key for Ati doing anything, it has to be a choice or else they will happily fuck off somewhere and not give a damn. They really have no qualms from just ghosting on someone when they are trying to tie them down to anything.

Who are you even to try that on a force of this size, of this importance? Even if they don’t really come out and say it, most of the time - they are doing a small favor to people when they choose to take on a role of some kind, even if there is a certain curiosity that drives most of their decisions to do so.

--

Secret 

Atieno is actually pretty good at keeping people’s secrets. Whether it’s because they genuinely relish privacy or don’t give a care about spreading information if it’s not worth sharing, isn’t exactly clear. But they have been known to have a lot of secret information over the years that they sometimes recall just to have something interesting to ponder over in their more idle of moments. Their own secrets tends to revolve around that need to be vulnerable that they have but don’t actually indulge in often, also the fact that they’ll always have a fondness for the forces of Oblivion since they see a lot themselves in them and vice versa.  So if nothing else, they have some fascinating if dangerous connections there.

Laughter

Atieno does enjoy laughing, they have several means of laughter. One is kind of a low smirk, a chuckle that’s dark and warm and kind of endearing to listening to. When they get bust out laughing, their voice still has that darkness but it leaves much more of a choral tone - of a being way too large, way too much but they are sharing some kind of joy. It does have something of a dissonant tone (more so if their laughter is harsher in its origin) but if it’s a genuine amusement, their laugh has that otherworldly massive in it’s tone - it just resonates through the core of anyone who gets to hear it

---
Love.. While it’s something that they try not to put too much focus on due to the nature of their way too long lifespan, Atieno does enjoy the feeling of being loved and cherished now and then. This sort of love can come in platonic and/or more familial forms and they are often more likely to engage in such situations because it’s easier to have those kinds of bonds. They are just more comfortable engaging with them.

However, this does not mean that they care not for romance. They do cherish it and relish it when it is available to them. It’s just often, they don’t feel like it’s something that anyone would be looking for in the likes of them. It’s hard for them to feel like that they are a lovable being in any sort of fashion. They tend to play it cool in general, but.. this is something that they are somewhat vulnerable and rather self-conscious about. So actually getting this feeling expressed is a major step towards Atieno actually being okay being romantically close to beings.

Hair. Atieno tends to have several main hairstyles - the most common is shaved sides with braids as a braided mohawk. But they also where just long black, blue and purple streaked hair as a bob, as an afrohawk, as long hair down their back. It tends to shift and depend on where they are and what they are feeling like doing. It’s really nothing at all for them to shift their hairstyles but they take a little bit of joy in playing with the styles available to them.

Misc Atieno facts

[I just want you all to know that this is Ati’s voice claim and no one can tell me differently.]

🌹 = How would your muse react to romantic gestures, expected or not?

Unexpected gestures, Atieno’s reaction will depend on who it’s from. If it’s from a stranger, Atieno may be mildly curious if not somewhat wary of that person’s intentions. If it’s from someone who they enjoy being around, they will take the surprise as a pleasant gesture and give a warm smile. Such also occurs when the romantic gesture is expected - then they can be prepared to relish in the romantic nature of such actions.

🌷 = Is your muse likely to be the one to make the first move, or would they wait for the other to make a move first?

Context dependent. They have been known both to make the first move and also wait for the other to make a move. In any case, Atieno is likely to at least try to engage with the person who may strike their attention - whether things tend to go further depends on who they are trying to talk to

 

Hm, I really like Atieno having a few aesthetics in how they present themselves:

Casual encounters with the leather jacket, piercings, markings, fingerless gloves and very space goth - biker-esque looks. On the move and always with a hint of smokiness that you can’t avoid.

And then when they’re feeling more regal shit like this:

Is just.. a power move. Cloaks, suits, wraps. Dark elegance just taken to whole another level y’all. Still with that smokiness, that not quite here but literally everywhere feeling that you get from being around them. It’s just fun to think about.

♡ = Is there any kind of person that your muse will never date?

Mostly humans. Too short a lifespan.  Probably also goody-two-shoes types. They can deal with some beings with a ‘heroic’ side to them but.. if they are too good and holier than thou-  and can’t deal with their untraditional morals coming from being a force rather than a person, then it’s not going to be a good fit at all.

FLAWS.

^{moody | short-tempered |emotionally unstable | whiny | controlling | conceited | possessive | paranoid |lies | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power - hungry | greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful |impulsive | spiteful| stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | absent-minded | abusive | addict | aggressive | childish | callous |clingy | delusional | cocky | competitive | corrupt | cynical | cruel | depressed | deranged | egotistical |envious | insecure | insensitive | lustful | delinquent | guilt complex | reclusive | reckless | nervous | oversensitive}

STRENGTHS.

^{honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise |  clever |  charming | cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm | protective | proud | diligent | considerate | compassionate | good sportsmanship | friendly | empathetic | passionate | reliable | resourceful | sensible | sincere | witty | funny}

SKILLS & HOBBIES.

^{art | acting | astronomy | animals | archery | sports | beach combing | belly dancing | bird watching |blacksmithing | boating | calligraphy | camping | candle making | casino gambling | ceramics | racing | chess | music | cooking | crochet | weaving | exercise | swordplay | fishing | gardening | ghost hunting | ice skating | magic | engineering | building | inventing | leatherworking |  martial arts | meditation | origami | parkour | people watching | swimming | puppetry | pyrotechnics | quilting | reading | collecting | shopping | socializing | storytelling | writing | traveling | exotic dancing | minor/major potion tricks & trinkets
---}

GENERAL

Name: Dark Matter, Atieno
Nickname(s): Ati, the darkness one fears, lurking space void
Age: billions upon billions of years old.
Species: cosmic entity- some ties to primordial darkness

PERSONAL

Morality: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / grey / evil
Sins: lust / greed / gluttony / sloth (of the melancholic type) / pride / envy / wrath
Virtues: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice
Primary goals in life: to do their work as part of the cyclical nature of the universe, to not be controlled.

PHYSICAL

Build: slender / scrawny / bony / fit / athletic / curvy / herculean / babyfat / pudgy / obese /
Height: ranges from 5′10 to 10′ depending on mortal form, ultimately - no height limit.
Scars/Birthmarks: starry patterns, void swirling can be seen beneath any ‘human’ skin that they have
Abilities/powers: immortality, darkness manipulation, darkness generation, tendrils, reality warping, matter manipulation, vast destruction and creation, star generation/destruction

FAVORITES

Favorite food: ..they like sweets when they can get them.
Favorite drink: Any is fine. The stronger the better, obviously.
Favorite color(s): Black, purple, blue
Favorite music genre: Enjoys most of them - especially fond of funk and funk rock
Favorite book genre: Horror/scifi
Favorite movie genre:  Thrillers, comedies, avant-garde films
Favorite season: Likes the darkness that comes with winter. But can enjoy any season really.
Favorite curse word(s):  [shrugs] Maybe damn, likely something eldritch and incomprehensible.
Favorite scent: Warm food, the sea, the forest, graveyards.

FUN STUFF

Bottom or Top: versatile - depends heavily on the partner
Sings in the shower: Sometimes
Likes bad puns: Sure. Might stare at first though.